Spring is arriving slowly. I sincerely hope I’m not jinxing its arrival by this declaration but all signs point to the seasons beginning their change.
As the piles of ice and snow melt I am alarmed to see what it reveals, not the least of which is layers of dog poop that clearly need to be eliminated. As I walked the garbage can to the ally the yesterday I was surprised to see pop cans, pizza boxes, old cups, straws, candy wrappers, all pushing themselves out from beneath their hiding places in the snow, where the wind and weather had stashed them. I stopped several times wondering how all this garbage could be have been become hidden in layers like paleolithic treasures, right under my eyes. Slightly embarrassed that my neighbors might think we are a slovenly bunch I began to pick up the refuge.
I was contemplating this burial of all the garbage. How it was all hidden by bright layers of beautiful snow and began to think of my own life. For so long my layers were busy, bright and productive. I worked hard to achieve and be seen and I thought it made me beautiful. But underneath the surface pain and trauma were buried deep. As the the thaw of my self importance began the trash was revealed. Pride, self importance, workaholism, poor body image and deep deep sadness pushed themselves from beneath my facades. I have been horrified to see these undesirable character traits surface – afraid others would see my garbage. Embarrassed that what I thought was masking my insecurities was actually revealing them, magnifying themselves until I would take notice of them.
I contemplated the spring thaw in my yard again and took in another part of the yard with different eyes. Eyes appreciative of the change of weather. Through the snow and ice my tulips have pushed themselves up past the ice and dirty snow. The daffodils stems have also made their arrival, promising some beautiful spring flowers on the horizon.
Both the flowers and the garbage have existed in the same space – all hidden beneath the ice and cold. One brings beauty and the other brings opportunity for me to clean up my own yard.
So, as is often said in therapy, lets clean up our own yard and appreciate the beauty that will bloom in the future.