I was raised in a religious environment that led me to believe if I wasn’t striving in my faith I was moving backwards. Stillness meant spiritual death. Not “working out my faith” meant was condemning it the fiery depths. Every time, I “stalled out”, I begged for forgiveness from a God who I thought measured my worth by my works. I served God as if  some spiritual sundial was sundowning on my efforts and I would come up empty handed.

As I have entered a new season of self care I have begun to wonder where in that praxis is there room for self care and peace?  If we are always chasing something how can we rest and meditate on the things of the Lord? How can we enter the  peace and rest of a shepherd that longs only for our presence? Where does ‘abiding’ just being in the presence of something bigger than ourselves fit in?

I would offer this. If one is always chasing a sense of success in their worship of the almighty, their focus is misdirected as to what the roles of God and humankind are. Faith exists as an avenue for worship with firm resolve that our worship is a gift that benefits the giver. Faith is a journey, not a destination.

I have learned to find peace in the stillness because I know God is there. It is in the blackness, the quiet and the silence that I am secure because it is where I feel the most held. There is no distraction of myself and my own feeble attempts to win the grace of One who gives it freely.

This has been a season of stillness. I have not been working at my faith but thankfully it is is working on me.