I have been excited for summer. 10 months ago I made a real commitment to my health and fitness.  Having resigned myself to the fact that the 60 pounds I have gained from meds isn’t going away and also submitting to the fact that I will not be able to ditch the meds anytime soon, it was time to to get serious. I started high intensity interval training (HIIT) and personal training, which takes me the gym 5 times a week.  5 times a week for 10 months. I’m pretty much rocking’ it.

Unfortunately, weight loss is happening at a glacial pace. I have only lost 15 lbs. in that many months, which I think is just the amount of sweat I have lost – not actually fat.  Please don’t tell me “you’re just gaining muscle”.  It’s true. I’ve gained muscle which only means my fitted shirts no longer fit my shoulders and bulbous arms. Unfortunately, my ass is the same size as it was 10 months ago, size XL.

A friend tells a joke about a husband and wife. The wife says “I’m just big boned.” He says, “Oh yeah? How did you get that big bone in your ass.” I feel you girl. I feel you. My one saving grace is that girls that are asstastic, like the Kardashians, Beyonce, and Nicki Minaj have made my derrière  en vogue.

Fast forward to this summer and a family vacation to Glacier National Park. I was excited to hike because I am in so much better shape than I have been in the whole of my adult life, even though that shape is round.

We finally got to hike up the trail to Avalanche Lake, a beautiful glacial lake at 4k high in the mountains. As we hiked the first part of the 4.5 miles I began to get frustrated. After all that effort in the gym and being able to out work gym members half my age I think I expected to skip up the mountain. Instead, I was sucking wind like a chain smoker on a treadmill.  It was disheartening. My internal whine meter skyrocketed. I cursed the weight I had put on, the time and money wasted on the gym and intense diet change, and the diseases that required the meds in the first place.

Mid-whine I observed a fellow hiker. A one legged hiker. He was hiking that steep trail, slippery with moisture and mud, with hand crutches and one leg. He smiled pleasantly and nodded as he PASSED me. He appeared to be enjoying himself as if he was unaware that he had every excuse in the world to be a whining complaining couch potato. Color me sheepish.

I have two good legs, a healthy body and a healing mind. I have abundant support and resources. My healthcare is paid for and readily available. Healthy food and nutritional supplements are at my finger tips. It’s time for me to quit using my disabilities as a crutch for my bad attitude. Complaining about what I don’t have and what I have lost in the process of diagnosing and treating my mental illness isn’t getting me further up the path.  A little gratitude is in order.

I took great joy in watching that man enjoy the well earned, hard fought view of that beautiful glacial lake.  Thank you, whoever you are, for reminding me of all I have.