Day 51

Day 51 of 100 intentional reflective steps.
Day 51
I want to work more. Do more. I am anxious to get “back in the game”. Every invitation and job opportunity that comes my way peaks my interest and I want to say “YES! Pick me! I want to do that!”  I think I really miss the busyness and interactions. And then days like today happen. After a couple of very busy days I am barely functioning. I’m tired, overwhelmed and want to stay in bed all day.  
I always laugh when somebody says they are a little pregnant or a little drunk.  You either are or you ain’t.  Trying to measuring the levels of overwhelmed-ness feels just as silly. While “overwhelmed” can be a code word for anxiety or depression for me it is usually synonymous with a state of depression.  My mind has difficulty prioritizing.  My brain is equally overwhelmed by the bathroom needing more toilet paper and by the wedding happening next month. You would think a wedding, with all its hanging chads, would be more impactful. To the overwhelmed brain all details hang heavy in the balance, no matter their size. 
The doctors have told me very clearly that I am not ready to work full time. I need more time to rest, and figure out how to know and answer my own needs. I have been warned of the devastating effects another mental collapse would be and I listen. But I hate that I’m too sick to work more.

So, I will post this, finish my lecture for class tomorrow and leave everything else to sort itself out. Except for the toilet paper.  I think I can get that fixed.