Day 49

Day 49 of 100 intentional reflective steps.

Sometimes it sneaks up on me. Its not totally ninja, its more like a blister; you know the irritant is there but you don’t quite expect for it to fester so much. (Denial is when you think that irritant is going to grow a pearl.) During the day I notice I’m breathing shallower, quicker. I glance at my hands on the steering wheel and observe they are fidgety. I’m a little more irritable than usual at the slow traffic, slow kids and dumb dog. And then it happens. All the sudden I’m in a full blown anxious state. My brain is racing, I suddenly have no space, time, energy or money to complete anything and the world is going to explode at any minute. Everything is happening at once and I am powerless to stop it. Everything is bad. Nothing is good. And usually, I’m the cause of it all going to hell.

Logical explanations will not help. Do not try and talk me out of my irrational thinking because usually there is something to be anxious over. Its just that my overreaction is not helping to solve the problem.The best thing you can do is walk away. Well, run. Maybe run away would be a better answer. I need space, comfort, quiet and stillness.

Anxiety arrives in so many different forms and flavors it might as well be an ice cream. But it all has the same result. Everything feels unmanageable. It melts like ice cream too but it just takes time.