Day 34 of 100 intentional, reflective steps.
People hurt people. It’s one of the sucky parts of relationships. No one is immune to it. Over the course of my life I’ve swept a lot of emotions under the rug like broken shards of glass. I knew they were there but while lumpy and uncomfortable they seemed to be getting smaller as time ground them into the past. In some cases forgiveness swept the shards into the garbage but in other cases it was just me cleaning house like my children did when they were little; shoving things into corners, closets and yes, under the carpet. The gig is up. Somebody just rolled back the carpet and I’m in bare feet. What to do with the mess?
I acknowledge it. I am learning that it is crucial to acknowledge emotions of betrayal, anger, hurt and frustration. Its not like we should cradle them, rocking them in our arms like babies but it is important that we at least hold them close enough to inspect. What caused them? Why did they get so big? Why are they so slippery and won’t let us examine them? What about ourselves do we see in their reflective surfaces. Sadly, it seems the more we look at our basest and ugliest emotions the more attached we get to them. But they’re bad houseguests and should not be encouraged to over stay their welcome.
What’s the “trick” to letting go of those emotions before they poison us? Like many kids I was fascinated with magic tricks but I never saw a box labeled “Presto Chango! Make your hurt disappear”. Even though anybody with some maturity would know that to be nothing more than a grand illusion it still sounds like a great “quick fix.” But in regards to letting go of the uglies, I suspect like all good magic, the trick in in the timing. Obviously, I need a lot more practice before I can “nail it.”
Thankfully, life will continue to offer me opportunities to figure this out. More chances to hold forgiveness and awareness lightly in my hands and then release them into the fresh air of grace.
6/62 (Craving sugar all day!)