Day 13

Day 13 of 100, intentional, reflective steps.

Day 13

When you really like someone you often give them a nickname. Take my dog for instance. We nicknamed him “kegogi”. (Korean joke.) I wanted to name one of our children “Abigail.” Kyle would walk around the house singing “abbi riley, abbi riley” in a sing songy pinched voice that sounded something like Sheldon Cooper singing a lullaby. His point, I think, was that the name would be abbreviated to something fonder, cuter and shorter. I often call my oldest daughter “emmy lou” but shorten it to “lou” just for fun. I express affection for her fiance’ by nicknaming him “boy.” Ok. Bad example. The point is, we express acceptance and familiarity by pet names.

For ten years I was on one antidepressant. Now I have a gallon size bag of medicationI received a thorough education on “safe” distribution from my addict friends last fall so I’m fairly certain I could earn a fortune selling little goodie bagson the street. I have a daughter getting married, a son in college and another daughter on her way to college . . .  Maybe this could be a new fundraiser?

This year it seems medications have walked in and out of my life with alarming rate. At doctors directions I keep trying them all on for size to see what is the best fit.  I’m a med serial dater. It’s like the worst kind of kissing booth at the fair. Some of them are friendlies and others are saboteurs.  Some prospects are wonderful while others are completely unfortunate looking, sloppy and lack manners. However, as a category, it appears the medications are here to stay. So, I decided we have surpassed the formal stage. Now they are just “meds” and we are forever family. (Maybe like extended family. You get to keep them whether you chose them or not?)

I’m a gyroscope on a rollercoaster. My sense of balance and orientation is all dependent on the correct combination of sleep, food, activity, inactivity, interaction, solitude, spiritual balance and of course meds. If even one of those things is out of balance I feel like I will hurtle off the track and crash.

This year has been about adjusting. Its been about acknowledging my illnesses, which I don’t like, learning my limits, which I suck at, and admitting my need for help, which I hate. However, whenever I get overwhelmed I have to remember and be grateful for the fact that I don’t have a life threatening illness, terminal diagnosis or malformation of my physical body that would keep me from moving forward in life.

So, “meds” and I will be friends and I will quit hating them for their needfulness in my life.