Day 42

Day 42 of 100 intentional reflective steps. 
I still check my email like five times a day as if I am going to miss something really urgent. I look at Facebook twice that much. Mostly I do it so I have something to do. I leave unanswered voicemails on my phone just so there is a number that pops up instead of a blank “nobody called you.”
A year and a half ago my phone rang all the time. There were always messages, emails, demands, needs, wants and invitations from people. I tried to answer and respond to as many as I could. It’s possible I was lulled into the comfort of being in demand; being needed. 
Being needed is not a purpose or life goal in itself. Its a toxin that hardens the soul from the outside in, like a loaf of bread left on the counter.  What once was soft, nurturing, absorbent become hard and invitation for mold and corruption. Our souls need to be kept soft to absorb light, nutrient and warmth from care and love provided us by faith and healthy human interaction. Its not that being in a role where you must take care of others consistently will kill your soul. It is the over prioritizing of others above your own soul, at the neglect of your soul, that corrupts. 
At least this is what they tell me.



Day 41

Day 41 of 100 intentional reflective steps.
I’m tired. I have tried on 100 black dresses from 10 different stores for this upcoming wedding. 100 y’all! None of them fit right, look right, feel right, smell right, etc. Of course the beauty of this quest is that I have tried on 95 of those dresses virtually. Look at the picture, thumbs up or thumbs down and move on. It’s like being saying I’m part of the Seattle Seahawks team while I really just sit in the stands. Or like saying I have a relationship with somebody when I only connect via Facebook and have never met. Minimal personal investment with maximum benefit.  
Maybe this virtual reality thing is not so bad after all. Except that Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter are really just online distorted circus mirrors. You can’t trust anybody or anything there to reflect what is actually in their minds or world. You have to show up in person to know what is real, what works, what is broken and what needs help.
My mother always said “Only believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.” I think that’s a good rule for the technological age.  
Mental break . . . I wonder when that dress is going to arrive from China?  I’m sure its the right one.



Day 29

Day 29 of 100 intentional, reflective steps.

Remember playing freeze tag?  When “frozen” we would yell at the other children “Tag me, tag me!” until someone touched us so we could become “alive.” I am afraid that as a society we are allowing social media recognition to replace old fashioned multi sensory interaction. We depend on it to make us feel alive. However, a “like” or comment on Facebook, a re-tweet on twitter or any other digital “touch” will never bring us to life like a kindly spoken word, a smile, a hug, or pat on the back. Its like eating plastic play food and expecting it to nourish us. Its an inadequate and toxic substitute. 

Last night as I looked at a room full of people gathered to celebrate me I was reminded of this. Hundreds of people congratulated me on Facebook but a couple of dozen were able to show up in person. They helped me to feel alive for a moment.